Runaway-Bride Fracas

So. We can look forward to George W. Bush, Jeb Bush, the Roman Catholic Church, the Republican Party, Bill Frist, Tom Delay and the US Congress to make moral pronouncements about Jennifer Wilbanks running away from her wedding vows, right? The woman had been living with her boyfriend, John Mason. So what about the possibility they were using birth control? How about accusing them of killing babies while living in sin? What about her contempt for the sacred union of man and woman? What about lying to law enforcement officials? We've got a possible felony, here. Not to mention breach of promise, which, if it isn't still on the books in Georgia, surely Mr. DeLay can speak sternly to Georgia Senators Saxby Chambliss and Johnny Isakson and get the law put back on the books. It would be a terrible wasted opportunity if Pope Ratz doesn't weigh in. He could urge our Congress to strongly rebuke Miss Wilbanks for not getting married and not beginning to produce a baby every year. Or, he could get on his higher-than-God righteous soapbox and inveigh against Americans for not being sufficiently forgiving of Miss Wilbanks, which Pope Ratz speaking for God would most piously feel mankind should be. Either way, he can't be wrong. I see no reason why the Bush Brothers--Georgie and Jebby, led by Mama Barbarian Bush--can't ratchet up their harangues against same-sex unions to include sermons about ungodly women who refuse to get married. They could pass a bill in Gongress requiring all unmarried people over the age of 21 to get married in a proper Christian church ceremony before they reach 22, lest they be tempted into homosexual sin. And if Dr. Bill Frist isn't on all the Sunday morning talk shows today telling unmarrieds, particularly Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason, that they will get warts on their backsides and hair on their palms if they don't get married immediately, then he's missing the chance of the century to disseminate stupid medical advise. And it wouldn't take too much effort for the Schiavo folks to paint out their signs about sparing the life of a dead woman, and making them read: Supreme Court Must Judge Jennifer. What with the Republican Mandate looking like a limp dick, and there being no big ticket non-issues around to keep people from focusing on Iraq, Social Security, ethics and John Bolton, a woman who runs out on her wedding looks like a God-send for the neocon religious right. It's just the kind of important matter of concern for world-class yentas like our Prez, Congress and the Roman Catholic Church to get in a lather over.