Two to One They’re Selling You Out, Son

The “Maltese Falcon” has some great lines. My favorite is, “The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter”. Too bad Sidney Greenstreet isn’t still around. He could play the Chief of Staff in a “Falcon” update--“Black Day at the White House”. VICE PRESIDENT We’ve got to have a fall guy. CHIEF OF STAFF By Gad sir, you’re a character, that you are. There’s never any telling what you’ll say or do. VICE PRESIDENT Let’s give them the Kid. CHIEF OF STAFF But that’s ridiculous. I feel toward him just exactly as if he were my own son. Really, I do. VICE PRESIDENT It’s our best bet. CHIEF OF STAFF (Turning to look at the President) What do you think of this? It’s mighty funny, eh? PRESIDENT (His eyes are cold) Mighty funny. CHIEF OF STAFF Well, sir, if you’re really serious about this, the least we can do in common politeness, is to hear you out. How would you be able to fix it....(he laughs)...so that he wouldn’t do us any harm? VICE PRESIDENT To be sure of convicting one man, they’ll let half a dozen equally guilty accomplices go free. I can show them that if they start fooling around trying to gather up everybody, they’re going to have a tangled case. But if they stick to the Kid.... CHIEF OF STAFF Your plan is, sir, not at all practical, sir. Let’s not say anything more about it. VICE PRESIDENT You people have your plan...I can deliver it for you. A fall guy is part of the price I’m asking. PRESIDENT I’ve taken all the riding from you I’m going to take...get up and shoot it out. VICE PRESIDENT (to the President) Young Wild West. (to the Chief of Staff) You ought to tell him that shooting me will be bad for business. CHIEF OF STAFF (to the President) Now, now...we can’t have any of that...don’t attach such importance to these things. (to the Vice President) Well, sir, there are other means of persuasion besides what you’re suggesting. VICE PRESIDENT (looking at the President) Two to one they’re selling you out, son. (to the Chief of Staff) Either you’ll say yes right now or I’ll turn the whole lot of you in. CHIEF OF STAFF You can have him. VICE PRESIDENT That’s swell. Yessiree. Good plots are good plots. And great tag lines live forever. In "The Maltese Falcon", Sam Spade is asked what the “black bird” is, and he says, “The stuff that dreams are made of.”