Monday, February 21, 2005

A Skinhead Slug Becomes “Craggily Handsome”?

How does that happen? The UK’s “Guardian” began referring to Jeff Gannon as “shaven-headed, craggily handsome”. Who knows why. They had pictures. Maybe they were just being perverse. Then the Associated Press picked it up and every small-town newspaper from Ohio to Nevada running the story on the White House in-house gay-male-hooker used the line “craggily handsome”. Tom Selleck is craggily handsome. Clint Eastwood is craggy. Kevin Bacon is getting crags. But Jeff Gannon? Jeff Gannon has a pie-dough with raisins for eyes face. I mean no disrespect to the Pillsbury doughboy, but the Gannon face is what it is. If Gannon were an actor...I should say, if Gannon were a better actor, he would be type-cast as a sadist or a child-molester. Maybe that’s how he got on his downward spiral. He looks like a snitch. You can pump up your body and have great abs and lats but what are you going to do when your face looks shifty and depraved? So from now on, let the description line for Jeff Gannon/James Guckert be the truth: shaven-headed pasty-faced White House in-house gay-male-hooker. And leave the breathless prose for the guys who really are craggily handsome.

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