Monday, March 05, 2007

Mr. Ratfucker Has A Theory About March 11th

Mr. Ratfucker believes Daylight Saving Time is a stupid idea and has been a stupid idea since Benjamin Franklin thought it up in 1784. Franklin’s brain wave was not made law until 1918. Mr. Ratfucker would like to mention that Daylight Saving Time was such a dumb idea and so unpopular that it was repealed in 1919. Rewriters of actual facts are fond of saying that people got up earlier and went to bed earlier back then and the law was unnecessary. However, Mr. Ratfucker believes people have not changed since 1918 and everyone has consistently thought Daylght Saving Time was dumb no matter when they got up or went to bed. President Franklin D. Roosevelt made Daylight Saving Time a year-round phenomenon. From February 2, 1942 to September 30, 1945 Daylight Saving Time was called “War Time". At least there was no switching back and forth and disrupting everyone’s life every six months. Daylight Saving Time has always been a so-called Energy Saving plan. It is based on the idea that people won’t get up an hour earlier just because the government thinks it will save energy, so people need to be fooled into thinking it’s an hour later than the sun tells them it is. Mr. Ratfucker has never understood how turning on the lights in order to get dressed in predawn stygian darkness saves energy. From 1945 to 1966, Daylight Saving Time was in total chaos. States and local municipalities could go on DST or not, willy-nilly. Up until 2006, a town in Indiana might observe DST while an adjacent town did not. Although, Mr. Ratfucker admits that using Indiana as an example is a bit foolish. In Indiana, folks say, “That’s a good ideal”, while the rest of the country says, “That’s a good idea.” Hoosiers may have thought Daylight Saving Time was a good ideal but saw no reason to practice it. President Nixon signed the “Emergency Daylight Saving Time Energy Conservation Act of 1973”. Clocks were set ahead for a 15-month period through April 27, 1975. From 1975 to 1986, the DST plan again was a hodgpodge of local and state noncompliance. Some states went along with the so-called Energy Act but the people in some time zones in some states exempted themselves It was in 1986 that legislation was enacted which made Daylight Saving Time begin at 2:00 a.m. on the first Sunday of April and end at 2:00 a.m. on the last Sunday of October. So why does Daylight Saving Time begin on March 11th this year? In 2005 the Bush administration decided to extend DST in 2007. Congress enacted the Energy Policy Act of 2005 and it decreed that DST would start at 2:00 a.m. on the second Sunday of March and end at 2:00 a.m. on the first Sunday of November, beginning in 2007. Why? Ostensibly, the White House Insane Asylum believed that the energy saved during those extra weeks would be monumental and of epic proportions. How? The WHIA is not completely sure. In fact, Congress retained the right “to revert to the 1986 law should the change prove unpopular or if energy savings are not significant”. Mr. Ratfucker believes that the WHIA knew in 2005 that when the fourth anniversary of its illegal and ridiculous war in Iraq comes up on March 19, 2007, it would need a diversion. Mr. Ratfucker suggests that the WHIA changed the Daylight Saving Time start date to a week before the anniversary in order to throw computers into agida mode. Mr. Ratfucker believes the WHIA dearly hopes that bank transactions will fail and business deals will spiral into disorder and thereby folks will forget all about the Bush administration's disaster in Iraq. None of which will happen of course. But to the WHIA, any diversion is a good diversion. In any case, Mr. Ratfucker would like to point out that in most of the countries of Western Europe, including members of the EU, Daylight Saving Time starts on the last Sunday of March and ends on the last Sunday of October, the way it's been since 1986.

1 comment:

Barry Schwartz said...

Back in those Nixonian OPEC-frightened days I didn't enjoy going out to stand in pitch blackness at the schoolbus stop. Though maybe it was better than having my tank siphoned during the second OPEC-frightened period.