Friday, January 26, 2007

Prez and VP Are Certifiably Cuckoo

Not much left to say. We can read the news stories and spin about White House shenanigans. And we can watch the talking heads on TV all day and all night. But the bottom line remains. The President and Vice President of the United States are insane. This is not the first time the US has had impaired leaders in its top positions. Google has a nice site called Health in Plain English. It lists diseases (diagnosed as well as presumed anomalies and peccadilloes) of our presidents. Although Nutsoid to the Nth Degree does not appear in the listing, one can presume many of our presidents were not 100% in their right minds during the time they served. George Washington Malaria, smallpox, tuberculosis, dysentery, boils (carbuncles), tooth loss, hearing loss, presbyopia (needed reading glasses), infertility, quinsy, pneumonia, epiglottitis or strep infection of the larynx. John Adams Hair loss, depression, boils, heartburn, falling into a coma, hyperthyroidism (?), porphyria (can’t metabolize porphyrins—don’t ask), rheumatism, manic-depressive (?). Thomas Jefferson Cluster/tension headaches, broken/fractured bones, dysentery, depression, rheumatism, constipation, boils, hearing loss, enlarged prostate, Asperger syndrome (form of autism) (?). James Madison Frostbite, frequent illness, hypochondria (?), inflamed gallbladder (cholecystitis), arthritis, congestive heart failure. James Monroe Malaria, gunshot wound, seizure (stroke?), heart failure, tuberculosis. John Quincy Adams Hairloss, stroke, cerebral hemorrhage. Andrew Jackson Sword wound, smallpox, depression, gunshot wound, malaria, dysentery, frequent headaches, tuberculosis, edema (dropsy), heart failure. Martin Van Buren Frequent colds, indigestion (dyspepsia), gout, asthma, heart failure. William H. Harrison Ulcer (?), stress, cold, pneumonia, pleurisy, jaundice, septicemia. John Tyler Paralysis, dysentery, colds, bilious fever (?), arthritis, bronchitis, stroke. James K. Polk Kidney stone, sterility, cholera, debilitating diarrhea. Zachary Taylor Yellow fever, malaria, dysentery, double vision, nearsightedness (myopia), heat stroke, bilious fever, cholera (?) or acute indigestion, arsenic poisoning (?) Millard Fillmore Paralysis and stroke. Franklin Pierce Horse riding injury, depression, alcoholism, tuberculosis, cirrhosis of the liver. James Buchanan Eye twitch, alcoholism, gout, respiratory failure. Abraham Lincoln Color blindness, strabismus (cross-eyed), presbyopia, concussion, fractured jaw, malaria, depression, Marfan syndrome (connective tissue problem affecting tall thin people) (?), scarlet fever (?), dental phobia, toothache, smallpox, hairloss, fatal gunshot wound. Andrew Johnson Typhoid fever, alcoholism (?), stroke. Ulysses S. Grant Alcoholism (?), throat cancer (carcinoma of the tonsils and tongue). Rutherford B. Hayes Poison ivy dermatitis, heart attack (myocardial infarction). James Garfield Malarial fever (ague), cold, upset stomach, anal fissure, infected gunshot wound, heart attack or aortic aneurysm (?), blood poisoning, pneumonia. Chester Arthur Indigestion, gallstone disease (?), Bright's disease (kidney disease), malaria (?), hypertension, heart failure, cerebral hemorrhage (hemorrhagic stroke). Grover Cleveland Obesity, leg laceration, typhoid fever, jaw (palate) cancer, hearing loss, nephritis, gout, heart attack. Benjamin Harrison Food poisoning, scarlet fever, contact dermatitis, nervous breakdown, cold, pneumonia, William McKinley Pancreatic necrosis, fatal gunshot wound, blood poisoning. Theodore Roosevelt Nearsightedness (myopia), asthma, hyperactivity, gunshot wound, obesity, detached retina, blind in one eye, throat infection, thigh abscess, middle ear infection, deafness in one ear, rheumatoid arthritis, coronary embolism. William H. Taft Skull fracture and head injury due to wagon accident, sunburn, typhoid fever, severe obesity, dengue fever (?), perineal abscess (urethra infection), dysentery, food poisoning, heartburn, sleep apnea, motion sickness, constipation, headache, gout, cold, eye injury, pink eye, lower back pain (lumbago), hypertension, carpal tunnel syndrome (?), indigestion, atrial fibrillation, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic cystitis, atherosclerosis, myocarditis, heart failure. Woodrow Wilson Dyslexia (?), eye twitches, atherosclerosis, headache, cold, hypertension, multiple strokes. Warren Harding Nervous breakdown, mumps, nasal allergy, mild aphasia (?), dermatitis, infertility (?), hypertension, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, stroke, pneumonia, flu (?), food poisoning (?), heart attack. Calvin Coolidge Depression, heart failure. Herbert Hoover Croup (strep throat or laryngitis), measles, mumps, diphtheria, chicken pox, hatchet injury to finger, burn injury to foot, gall bladder disease, shingles, intestinal cancer, deafness, near blindness, pneumonia, fatal gastrointestinal bleeding. Franklin D. Roosevelt Polio, hypertension, hemorrhoids, anemia, melanoma (?), anorexia, weight loss, indigestion, sebaceous cyst, atherosclerosis, cardiomyopathy, angina, cholecystitis, cerebral hemorrhage. Harry Truman Farsightedness (hyperopia), diphtheria, headache, dizziness, sleeplessness, horse riding injury, sore throat, asthma, flu, gall bladder disease, allergy to medications, hernia, broken ribs, lung congestion, heart failure.. Dwight Eisenhower Appendicitis, seborrheic keratosis (benign tumor), arthritis, Crohn's disease, anxiety, depression, bowel obstruction, stroke, cholecystitis, prostatic hyperthropy, heart disease, multiple heart attacks (myocardial infarctions). John F. Kennedy Scarlet fever, measles, knee injury, bronchitis, jaundice, rubella, whooping cough, colitis, osteoporosis, presbyopia, diphtheria (?), sexually transmitted prostatitis and urinary tract infection (?), back aches, malaria (?), Addison disease, fatal gunshot wound. Lyndon Johnson Angina, gall bladder disease, heart disease, multiple heart attacks. Richard Nixon Phlebitis, "furious eye blinking", stroke. Gerald Ford Actinomycosis (with tongue abscess), pneumonia, stroke. Jimmy Carter Severe chronic hemorrhoids. Ronald Reagan Nearsightedness (myopia), pneumonia, fractured thigh bone, urinary tract infections, prostate stones, severe cold, Temporomandibular joints (TMJ) disease, arthritis, hay fever, gunshot wound, collapsed lung, hearing loss, colon polyp and cancer, basal cell carcinoma, benign prostatic hyperplasia (enlarged prostate), gastroenteritis, epidural hematoma, Alzheimer's disease, hip fracture, pneumonia. George HW Bush Staph infection, bleeding ulcers, arthritis, mucoid cyst, sebaceous cyst, glaucoma, eye sty, atrial fibrillation, hyperthyroidism, Graves disease (a form of goiter), depression, vomiting and fainting (flu?), actinic keratosis (crusty skin growth). Bill Clinton Gasteroesophageal reflux (GERD), rectal bleeding, knee injury, allergy, torn knee tendon, sebaceous cyst, basal cell carcinoma, acne rosacea, angina, atherosclerosis, coronary artery disease, sexual addiction (?). George W. Bush Hemorrhoids, benign colon polyps, alcoholism, cocaine abuse (?), actinic keratosis, loss of consciousness (syncope), knee injury (torn meniscus). Yup, as you see, no Nutsoid to the Nth Degree diagnoses. Still, it looks like the Executive Branch attracts people who are wildly unhealthy. And not a few of them, IMHO, look very suspicious for being Off the Chart Bonkers.

1 comment:

Barry Schwartz said...

What, exactly, would a 'Nutsoid-to-the-Nth-degree' diagnosis look like? Take porphyria, for instance; it can, though won’t necessarily, produce symptoms similar to schizophrenia. The diagnosis either way is going to be porphyria. Now suppose the diagnosis is schizophrenia--again, we don’t know whether symptoms are chronic or recurring, or what degree of cognitive impairment is present. 'Nutsoid to the Nth degree' just isn’t a diagnosis, but statement of a symptom.

I think it’s important to separate the diagnosis from the symptoms. Since what I guess-diagnose Cheney with is a kind of malignant malice, for instance, I interpret his constant denial of indisputable facts not as a delusion so much as a form of bullying:

‘That’s black!’
‘No, it’s white.’
‘But you can see it right there!’
‘It’s white.’
[Five more minutes of this.]
‘But, but, but, ...’
‘I think it’s very important that we hit them there so they won’t hit us here.’
‘But, but, but, ...’