Saturday, December 02, 2006

Oh Dear! Repubs Lost Their Bible Study Room

And Texas Representative Sam Johnson says he’s “astonished” that they won’t get to keep on having their Bible Study group in that room. It’s just one more harsh fact the Republicans have to face on Capitol Hill since the November 7th election. All the best and most spacious offices are now being claimed by the Democrats, even the room where the Repubs met to study the ways of the Lord. I know. I was ROTFLMFAO too. But then it came to me: Maybe the Republicans had only read the HOW TO BE RICH BIGOTED WARLORDS part of the Bible. Maybe they hadn’t reached the WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SELL YOUR SOUL section. There are chapters and chapters in the Bible with detailed information on how to maraud, commit mayhem, rape, lie and cheat your brother. There are chapters and chapters on how to deceive, hoodwink, pillage, loot, commit adultery, steal from the poor and stone innocent women to death. There are chapters and chapters about how the rich get to rule the world, make the laws and speak for God. In fact, in well over half of the Bible it’s the rich men to whom God speaks. And it’s the rich men who understand what God wants. And when these rich men tell their version of God’s laws, they say God wants people to cower and be afraid of the awfulness and arbitrariness of God. And God wants the poor and downtrodden to build mighty temples made of gold and jewels in God’s honor. So maybe the Republicans who studied the Bible in their special and holy room never got to the part about what happens to soulless rich bastards when they make war on and take advantage of the poor. Maybe they only studied the parts about how God only loves rich powerful men. Maybe they thought God handed down the Ten Commandments as a guideline to the poor. So you can see why the Republicans have behaved so badly. Well take heart, all you Bible studying Repubs. Now you can start studying the part of the Bible that addresses ethics and morals and the righteous values that all human persons should follow. And there are lots of rooms in Washington, DC. A room is just a room after all, right? Oh, and Mr. Johnson… when you find a new room for your Bible study group, don’t forget to invite your fellow Texan George W. Bush. He’s a little confused about Christianity. He thinks Corpus Christi is where Jesus is buried.

1 comment:

Barry Schwartz said...

I thought the striking lesson of the Ten Commandments was that, in acting all holier than thou, Moses failed to do as the 'Lord' commanded him. Of course, I went to a half-ass Hebrew School, not freakoid child-molesting bible-thumping jackoff room.