The Real Plan

August 7, 2000 The Real No. 1: We're nominating the queer from Texas. That's it. The Real No. 2: Why? N1: He acts downhome. Folks will vote for him. N2: But he couldn't find his ass with a map and a guide dog. N1: Doesn't matter. He gets elected, the Right People take over, then we off him. September 12, 2001 N2: And your plan is what? N1: I miscalculated. He looks good. January 29, 2002 N2: Axis of evil? That's yours? N1: I gave it to the writer guy. N2: When do we do IT? N1: Working on it. May 2, 2003 N2: Missionfuckingaccomplished? Can I personally shoot him? N1: Not if I pull the trigger first. November 2, 2003 N2: Now he says God chose him. Are we gonna do it or what? N1: Patience. November 16, 2004 N2: CondaleezzafuckingRice for Secretary of State? N1: Yeah. Jesus! He goes. Nanny Rice goes. Working on it. December 15, 2004 N2: The Medal of Freedom? Fucking Asshole gives Rumsfeld the Medal of Freedom? N1: Yeah. I gotta think. N2: Bush goes, Rice goes, Rumsfeld goes. N1: Yeah. But it can't point to us. February 7, 2005 N2: Did you hear him explaining Social Security privatization? N1: Yeah. It's almost worked out. He's toast. September 2, 2005 N2: You hear him about Katrina? Gonna rebuild the city he partied in…is he nuts or what? And Rice goes on-the-town with people dying and starving in Norlins? N1: Here's my plan. We get him, Condi, Rumsfeld in a helicopter over the Gulf, it goes down, they look like heroes. Too bad about the pilot though. N2: Nothing is perfect. See? There's always been a plan.