Saturday, September 10, 2005

FEMA Chief Reassignment

Translation of AP news story from Wonk-speak into English: Asked if he was being made a scapegoat for a federal relief effort that has drawn widespread and sharp criticism, Michael Brown told The Associated Press after a long pause: "By the press, yes. By the president, No." Translation: Yes...the fucking President hung me out to dry way before the fucking press hung me out to dry. May George Bush's hair fall out from dengue fever. "Michael Brown has done everything he possibly could to coordinate the federal response to this unprecedented challenge," Chertoff told reporters in Baton Rouge, La. Translation: Michael Brown is a useless twat. He couldn't locate his balls with a magnifying glass and a compass. Less than an hour before Brown's removal came to light, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Brown had not resigned and the president had not asked for his resignation. Translation: Karl Rove told Chertoff if he didn't can the FEMA asshole, Rove would can the Homeland Security asshole. Chertoff suggested the shift came as the Gulf Coast efforts were entering "a new phase of the recovery operation." He said Brown would return to Washington to oversee the government's response to other potential disasters. "I appreciate his work, as does everybody here," Chertoff said. Translation: Brown will oversee nothing except his own funeral for the foreseeable future. He's never worked a day in his life and would have starved to death if he hadn't been a White House snitch. "I'm anxious to get back to D.C. to correct all the inaccuracies and lies that are being said," Brown said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. Translation: I'm working on my new improved resume and it will be ready for publication shortly. But first, I'm shopping the book I've written about Michael Chertoff. Brown's official biography on the FEMA Web site says that his background in state and local government also includes serving as "an assistant city manager with emergency services oversight" and as a city councilman in Edmond, Oklahoma. Translation: Michael Brown was an assistant to the assistant to the city dogcatcher in Edmond, Oklahoma. He was fired when he tried to put a dog muzzle on a Shetland pony.


Barry Schwartz said...

My unreliable sources say that actually it was Deputy Leader Darth Cheney that told Chertoff to kick Brownie to the curb. The Leader may have been busy watching Sesame Street.

Barry Schwartz said...

(BTW, by unreliable sources I mean my wife extrapolating from some slip of the tongue of Chris Matthews.)

Lone Ranger said...

So you folks want the President to fire Brown. The President fires Brown. And you're STILL not satisfied. That's why Bush should totally ignore liberals. Nothing he does will appease the disloyal opposition.