Lest We Forget

Following is a timeline for the Watergate Scandal, which lead to the eventual resignation of President Richard M. Nixon. Nixon was re-elected in a landslide on November 7, 1972. He actually did have a mandate. And yet, he was brought down by lies, deceit, shenanigans, corruption and the hubris of a Republican administration. June 13, 1971 The New York Times begins publishing the Pentagon Papers (a secret history of the Vietnam War). The Washington Post begins to publish the papers later that week. September 3, 1971 The White House "plumbers" unit (so-named because they plugged leaks in the administration) burglarizes a psychiatrist's office to find files on Daniel Ellsberg, the former military analyst who leaked the Pentagon Papers. June 17, 1972 Five men are arrested at 2:30 a.m. trying to bug the offices of the Democratic National Committee at the Watergate hotel and office complex. June 19, 1972 The Washington Post reports that a GOP security aide is among the Watergate burglars. Former attorney general John Mitchell, head of the Nixon reelection campaign, denies any link to the operation. August 1, 1972 Washington Post reports a $25,000 cashier's check, earmarked for the Nixon campaign, wound up in the bank account of a Watergate burglar. September 29, 1972 Washington Post reports that John Mitchell, while serving as attorney general, controlled a secret Republican fund used to finance widespread intelligence-gathering operations against the Democrats. October 10, 1972 Washington Post reports that FBI agents establish that the Watergate break-in stems from a massive campaign of political spying and sabotage conducted on behalf of the Nixon reelection effort. November 7, 1972 Nixon is reelected. It's one of the biggest landslides in American political history. Nixon gets more than 60 percent of the vote. Dem nominee, Sen. George McGovern (SD) suffers a humiliating defeat. January 30, 1973 Former Nixon aides G. Gordon Liddy and James W. McCord Jr. are convicted of conspiracy, burglary and wiretapping in the Watergate incident. Five other men plead guilty. April 30, 1973 Nixon's top White House staffers, H.R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, and Attorney General Richard Kleindienst resign over the scandal. White House counsel John Dean is fired. May 18, 1973 The Senate Watergate Committee begins nationally televised hearings. Attorney General-designate Elliot Richardson appoints former solicitor general Archibald Cox as the Justice Department's special prosecutor for Watergate. June 3, 1973 WaPo reports John Dean told Watergate investigators that he discussed the Watergate cover-up with President Nixon at least 35 times. June 13, 1973 WaPo reports Watergate prosecutors have found a detailed memo addressed to John Ehrlichman describing burglary plans for Ellsberg's office. July 13, 1973 Former presidential appointments secretary Alexander Butterfield tells Watergate Committee that Nixon had recorded all conversations and telephone calls in his offices since 1971. July 18, 1973 Nixon orders the White House taping system disconnected. July 23, 1973 Nixon refuses to turn over the presidential tape recordings to the Watergate Committee or to the special prosecutor. October 20, 1973 Nixon fires Archibald Cox and abolishes the office of special prosecutor in what is called The Saturday Night Massacre. Attorney General Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William D. Ruckelshaus resign. Pressure to impeach Nixon mounts in Congress. November 17, 1973 Nixon declares, "I'm not a crook,” claiming he's innocent in the Watergate case. December 7, 1973 White House can't explain an 18 1⁄2-minute gap in one of the subpoenaed tapes. White House Chief of Staff Alexander Haig says it may be "some sinister force" that erased the segment. April 30, 1974 The White House turns over more than 1,200 pages of edited transcripts of Nixon tapes to the House Judiciary Committee. Committee won't accept transcripts and demands the tapes. July 24, 1974 The Supreme Court rules unanimously Nixon has to release the tape recordings of 64 White House conversations. Supreme Court rejects executive privilege claim. July 27, 1974 House Judiciary Committee passes the first of three articles of impeachment and charges obstruction of justice. August 8, 1974 Richard Nixon becomes the first U.S. president to resign. Vice President Gerald R. Ford becomes president. Ford later pardons Nixon of all charges related to the Watergate case.

Way To Go, Ms Hughes!

Nanny Rice's gofer, Karen Hughes, blew it. Twice, yet. Hughes was a genius at flattering George Bush and keeping his spirits buoyed and his delusions alive and well when she was his so-called senior presidential adviser. Ergo, the White House Ladies decided she was the perfect person to mend the fences Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice kicks over and tramples. Hughes was appointed Under Secretary of State last March. Her duties are to polish the US image around the world. Tuesday was Hughes's first foray into the tricky field of diplomacy. She went to Saudi Arabia to speak with Saudi women about how great it is to be a woman in the great democracy of the great United States of America. She told the Saudi women she would be only too happy to support them when they sought to emulate US women and raise their status. The Saudi women were insulted. They let Hughes know it. Nevermind. Undaunted, Under-Helper Hughes went to Turkey yesterday to speak to the Turkish women about how great it is to be a woman in the great democracy of the great United States of America. She told the Turkish women she would support their efforts to raise their status and be free like American women. The Turkish women were insulted. They let Hughes know it. To top it off, Hughes told a huge lie to the Turkish women and they were only too well aware it was a lie. In attempting to defend the war in Iraq, which the Turkish people have decried and protested, Hughes said. "I can appreciate your concern about war. No one likes war…my friend President Bush did all he could to avoid a war in Iraq.” What a stupid lying twit. What an arrogant, silly, witless stooge. Two assignments. Two failures. I wonder how many more countries the Hughes moron is going to visit before she realizes that saying “my friend President Bush” will cause more boos than lighting a cigar at a Smoke-Enders convention.

The One and Only Agent 86 Maxwell Smart

Those close-set eyes, that clueless demeanor, the self-centered attitude and cavalier optimism in the face of disaster. Don Adams may no longer be with us, but he will never be forgotten as Agent 86 in the 1960’s NBC/CBS “Get Smart” TV series. He was so successful as Maxwell Smart, in fact, that it became impossible for producers or the public to see him in any other role. It seems impossible now to imagine anyone else as Agent 86. Who else could have played the role? Well, there is one other person. Close-set eyes, clueless demeanor, self-absorbed attitude, cavalier optimism. It’s only a matter of time until the Bush White House gets its just due: a TV series based on the worst administration, Republican or Democrat, ever to have foisted itself on the American people. We had an ideal TV President in Martin Sheen’s Josiah “Jed” Bartlett in “The West Wing”. We now have a woman President in Geena Davis’s new TV show, “Commander in Chief”. If President George W. Bush had not existed in reality, television would have had to invent him. Don Adams, who played George W. Bush but didn’t know it, died on September 26th at the age of 82, long may Maxwell Smart live. But we still have SNL’s Will Ferrell, who has the Bush persona down. And we have David Hyde Pierce who played a depressed and suicidal United States congressman in 1992’s “The Powers That Be”. And was, would you believe, hilarious. We still have “Get Smart” writers, Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. With the Bush polls plummeting, the unnecessary war in Iraq going nowhere but into a black hole of failure, and new false moves and wrong-headed decisions occurring daily, the TV industry may decide to laugh the BushMen into oblivion with a sit-com they deserve. Supporting cast: Laura Bush: Renee Zellweger Dick Cheney: Jason Alexander Karl Rove: Dennis Franz Condoleezza Rice: CCH Pounder Scott McClellan: Paul Giamatti Michael Chertoff: Michael Richards Michael Brown: Gordon Clapp

John L. Allen Jr. Explains It All To You

Allen has an editorial in the New York Times today: “At the Vatican, Exceptions Make the Rule”. Boiled down to essentials, Allen says the Vatican ALWAYS says one thing and means another. Allen was specifically writing about the recent document from the Vatican stating that forthwith there will be no more homosexuals accepted in seminaries. But Allen says, in general, the Vatican makes pronouncements and knows people will fall short of putting them in practice. In other words, there will be homosexual seminaries. Allen is okay with this. “Some in the Anglo-Saxon world see this as a form of hypocrisy: the church apparently issues laws while winking at disobedience. But Vatican officials view it instead as a realistic concession to fallen human nature.” And there you have it folks: This is the Roman Catholic rule-of-thumb that makes it difficult for Roman Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, in fact EVERYONE in the world to understand the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. The Rule is: When the Vatican issues an edict, the Vatican expects you to do the opposite. However when you do the opposite, the Vatican will tell you that you are going to hell for doing what the Vatican knows and expects you will do. Hypocritical? Yes. But that's putting it mildly. Making a rule, saying you'll show compassion if the rule is broken and kicking people in the ass when they break the rule is out-and-out sadism. The Vatican says no contraceptives and no abortions. But the Vatican expects people to use contraceptives and have abortions because we are all human. However, the Vatican says that if we use contraceptives and have abortions we are on the fast road to going to hell. We can keep from going to hell by not using contraceptives and not having abortions. But the Vatican knows we will use contraceptives and have abortions. So who comes out of this no-win situation smelling like roses? The Vatican. It has warned people about the wages of sin and it has shown compassion. The Vatican is pure. The Vatican does not err. The only trouble is: You can't fool God. Even when you sit on a throne in Vatican City, God is the ultimate bullshit detector. Look out, Pope Ratz. God is onto you and your red-gowned handmaids.

Let's Review Narcissism

The Narcissists' Credo: I can manipulate anyone and everyone. I am all-powerful. If you accept that, you are a genius. If you don't accept it you are useless to me and must be punished. Narcissism and Drug/Alcohol Abuse: Narcissism is painful when the narcissist is opposed or ignored. Pain needs to be alleviated. Narcissists often self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. Traits of the Narcissist: 1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance. 2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). 4. Requires excessive admiration. 5. Has a sense of entitlement. 6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends. 7. Lacks empathy. 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him. 9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes. Prognosis for the Narcissist: Not likely to change. Not likely to go into therapy. Not likely to commit suicide. Very likely to get worse. Very likely to need hospitalization. Advice to Anyone Involved with a Narcissist: Run. Is President George W. Bush a Narcissist? Oh you bet your sweet ass he is!

Amy Welborn Says: Church Purge “Badly Needed”

Amy Wellborn is a so-called Catholic conservative. (As in, the Pope and the church may not be right but they are never wrong.) Today, in a New York Times Op/Ed column, “The Sins of the Seminaries”, Ms Welborn asks, ”Why is it considered unfair to expect priests and seminarians to live by the values of the institution they serve?” Welborn answers herself saying, “Others may call it a purge, but I call it truth in advertising.” There is only one thing wrong with Welborn's conclusion: “A seminary has a dual responsibility. It owes the future priest preparation for a life of sacrifice, unique witness and engagement with other human beings at moments of joy and pain in a society that has no respect for his vocation. But a seminary also owes us, the people in the pews, psychologically mature priests who aren't engaged in an eternal and ego-driven struggle with their own problems, who are prepared to serve, to teach and preach - with integrity and honesty.” Sounds good. But it's wrong. Seminaries have never ever, no NOT EVER, prepared its priests for a “life of sacrifice”. They have never had a major goal to give the people in the pews priests who are “psychologically mature”, priests that “aren't engaged in an eternal and ego-driven struggle with their own problems”. Seminaries and convents have always been a place where psychologically immature people have found a safe haven for their psychologically immature outlook to fester and become even more psychologically immature. Yes, seminaries and convents can turn out good priests and nuns, but it is against all odds. Convents used to be the place where families stowed their unmarriageable spinsters and a place where the Catholic Church could find free laborers to do its scut work and to teach children. That kind of unpaid forced labor is not a prescription for a happy well-adjusted work force. When the time came that unmarried and unmarriageable women could make their own way in the world, the Church's convents began to empty out. Seminaries have always been rife with pedophiles and homosexuality. The history of the Vatican shows a history of murders and avarice right in Vatican City that goes back to the earliest popes. It's a bit late to order a purge so that the Church can guarantee that their seminarians will be psychologically mature and perversion free. The RCC has always spoken about itself as though its leadership were spotless. There were the requisite demurrals about priests, nuns and the Pope being only human, of course. But the subtext from the Church is that men and women of the cloth have actually attained its impossible requirement for mankind to be inhumanly pure. And, as mankind will always do, because mankind cannot be pure, the men and women in the Church have always lied and engaged in cover-ups when immorality in the Church has been revealed. It's foolish to speak about a needed purge of seminaries and not speak about a needed purge of the Catholic Church hierarchy. Which brings us to lies and necessary purges in other places. You will remember, I am sure, that last week we were informed that our heart-attack prone VP, Dick Cheney, would undergo a procedure this weekend to repair an aneurysm behind his left knee. We were told he also had an aneurysm behind his right knee, but only the left knee artery bulge would be fixed. The procedure would be performed under a local anesthetic and would involve a short hospital stay. This morning we have been informed that the right knee was also fixed and that the procedure took six hours under a local anesthetic. A Sarasota cardiologist, Mike Mollod, was quoted in all the official White House bullshit that “It is not a very risky surgery”. As though a local makes it routine. As though not risky in a healthy man means not risky in seriously ill Dick Cheney. We have no idea what actually took place during those six hours yesterday. But this morning, doctors are weighing-in on the whole affair. (See NYT's “Vice President Has Procedure for Aneurysms in His Knees” by Lawrence K. Altman.) It was “irresponsible” to do both knees during the same operation, one doctor said about the “intraoperative decision”. Intraoperative decision is medical-speak for, “we decided to do it during the first surgery”. Which means, “we found a life-threatening situation going on and we had to change our plans”. The White House wouldn't let the doctors who did the surgery speak to the press. A statement from Cheney's office this morning said Cheney is "awake, alert, and comfortable" and that "he's due to be briefed on the impact of Hurricane Rita in Louisiana and Texas, as well as the federal, state and local response.” I wouldn't bank on it. If Cheney goes into a coma, his office will say, “The Vice President is napping and resting comfortably.” When he dies, the report will be, “Mr. Cheney's knee surgery has caused a complication which requires the VP to stay off his feet for an unspecified amount of time.” When he's trundled off to the mortuary the White House will say, “The President has been called back from Texas to consult with the Vice President on a matter of national significance”. To show that having to go back to Washington is no big deal, the President will be shown boarding Air Force One arm-in-arm and laughing with brother Jeb. Together at last.

Yo! Self-righteous Christians!

The Ten Commandments originated as a Hebrew text. And don't you forget it! Jesus didn't write the Ten Commandments. St. Paul did not write the Ten Commandments. St. Peter didn't write the Ten Commandments. And God knows, St. Augustine who invented original sin out of whole cloth in the fourth century did not write the Ten Commandments. No pope wrote the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments do not come from a Christian text. The Ten Commandments can be found in two different versions in the Old Testament: (Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5). All Bible-thumping, Testament-quoting Christians should consult a rabbi about the meaning of the Ten Commandments and why they were given to Moses, before ranting and raving about them as though they were composed by Jesus Christ in 33 AD (or Common Era as Christians have taken to labeling the time before and after Christ's birth). Come to that, let's talk about the third Commandment. That's the one that sanctimonious churchgoers like to throw out when someone says “Goddamn”: You shall not take the Name of Adonai Your God in vain. It means: Don't call upon the Lord in a thoughtless manner because calling upon the Lord is serious and we shouldn't do it lightly. Taking the Lord's name in vain has a deeper meaning: Don't promise (swear) to do something in God's name and then neglect to do it. Cussing is the least of it. The pretentious, proud and falsely pious people who invoke the name of Jesus are more blasphemous and irreligious than cuss words could ever be. Here are some hard facts: Jesus Christ lived and died a Jew. Jesus Christ most assuredly had Semitic features; his looks had more in common with the bin Ladens than with an effeminate bearded Swedish aesthete of indeterminate gender. Jesus Christ did not start a new religion. Jesus Christ wanted to reform Judaism. Political activists started a religion called Jesus Judaism in the first century CE. The name Christian did not come into use until the Fourth Century, Constantine, a pagan from Turkey who became the Emperor of Rome, converted to Christianity in 312 CE and forced his followers to become Christians. Christianity became a major religion because people were threatened with death if they didn't become Christians. Constantine would prosper in the GOP.

Same-Old Same-Old in Philadelphia RCC

How did the Philadelphia Archdiocese respond to District Attorney Lynne Abraham's 418-page grand jury report on pedophile priests in Philadelphia? Archbishop Cardinal Justin Rigali told Catholics not to read the report. Philadelphia Inquirer staff writer David O'Reilly reported that Rigali said, “I don't think it's of value to families,” and that (the report) "gives a very slanted view.” The grand jury, which was convened by DA Abraham in 2002 was severely critical of the way the Philadelphia archdiocese covered up the criminal acts of pedophile priests going back to Cardinal John Krol (archbishop from 1961 to 1988) and including Rigali's predecessor, Cardinal Anthony J. Bevilacqua (archbishop from 1988 to 2003). This morning the Associated Press reported that the grand jury said Krol and Bevilacqua “knew that priests were molesting children but conducted bogus 'non-investigations' designed to avoid uncovering abuse, while they and their aides transferred known abusers among parishes.” The AP said the report “names 63 priests 'whose abusive behavior was well-documented in archdiocesan files and by witnesses who testified' before the panel. All had multiple victims, and many more abusers certainly exist." The AP said, “The examples of abuse cited in the report included an 11-year-old girl who was allegedly raped and impregnated by a priest, who took her for an abortion, and a priest who falsely told a 12-year-old boy that the child's mother knew he was being raped repeatedly and allowed it.” The grand jurors said they had wanted to bring criminal charges against RCC officials in Philadelphia but Pennsylvania's statute of limitations stopped any further action. Yesterday, a spokesman for the Catholic Church said the Philadelphia grand jury report showed a bias against the Catholic Church. Some things you can count on: The GOP and the RCC will deny, deny, deny, even when they are caught with their pants down.

Vatican To Bar Gays From Becoming Priests

Yesterday, the big news in Philadelphia was that a grand jury had found that the Archdiocese up to and including the recent tenure of Archbishop Bevilacqua had protected pedophiles while doing nothing to protect their victims. Now today we hear that the Vatican plans to bar gay men from becoming priests. An article in today's New York Times about the Vatican's new strict rules against homosexual priests reminds us that Pope Ratz said last spring that there was a need to “purify” the church. Apparently, this is his first step. Yo, Pope Ratz, you ignorant ninny…ridding the church of gay priests will not rid the church of pedophile priests. Pedophiles are nearly 100% heterosexual. The new rules will be published soon, but the information that is now being leaked makes it clear that new recruits to seminaries are the main focus of this item on the church's purification agenda. The NYT reports that a church official said, “the ban would pertain only to candidates for the priesthood, not to those already ordained.” Which must make all the bejeweled red-gowned cardinals in the Vatican sigh in unified relief. The church official also said, “the document did not represent any theological shift for the church, whose catechism considers homosexuality 'objectively disordered'.” But one does wonder exactly how the purge of all the objectively disordered candidates for the priesthood will be accomplished? Maybe an objectively disordered-sniffing dog has been developed? Perhaps a potential-to-become-objectively-disordered gene has been found? One also wonders: If gay men with an urge to get into the god-business are banned, and the RCC won't let priests marry, and women can't be ordained, and priests who are gay are quitting because they don't want to live a lie, how is the RCC going to replenish its priest pool which isn't large enough to serve the church as it is? And maybe that's the whole point. If the Pope and his flunkies can get rid of as many priests as possible and force as many congregants to leave the church as possible, then, finally, the RCC can exist for the Pope and Cardinals alone. And preserving the rich, abundant, sweet and oh-so-private life in Vatican City is the important thing, isn't it?

National Enquirer: "Bush is Drinking Again"

LMAO! Enquirer reports Laura Bush said, "Stop, George." Nah…nah…nah…. What she said was “Stop George….” Stop George from ruining the country, from ruining my life, from ruining any hopes for a reasonable life for Jenna and Barbara, oh sob…oh dear…stop George from ruining EVERYTHING! LMFAO!!!!!!!

Jeb's Drunk Son Arrested

Well yes, of course, it's interesting that Florida Guv's youngest son (John Ellis) was arrested September 16th for drunk and disorderly. Just as it was interesting when Guv Jeb's daughter Noelle was arrested in 2002 for trying to pass off a fake prescription to get Xanax. And it's interesting that President GWB's daughters have a history of drunk and disorderly. It's all very titillating. But, the most interesting thing about the younger Bush generation is that we hear so little about Guv Jeb's oldest son, George Prescott Bush, who is 29 and has inherited his mother's Hispanic good looks. The August 13, 2005 issue of Time mag reported that: “During his uncle's two presidential campaigns, George P. Bush, son of Florida Governor Jeb Bush and Mexican-born mom Columba, crisscrossed the nation to rally the faithful, often in Spanish. Now a lawyer in Dallas, P., as his family calls him, sits on the Republican National Committee's Hispanic advisory panel and is active in urban-renewal efforts in Texas. But Bush, 29, says any run for public office is at least a decade away. 'I would only like to pursue [public office] for the right reasons, not necessarily to fill some generational gap,' he says.” So right away, we know that George P. can bullshit like a pro, that he has enormous ambitions to get into the political arena, and that it will be much less than a decade (probably by seven years) before he runs for office. And we also know that the Bush clan is not pinning its hopes on Jeb Bush. The only troubling thing that has come to light about George P. is that on December 31, 1994, he broke into the Miami home of a former girlfriend, argued mightily with her father, fled the scene, returned 20 minutes later, drove his Ford Explorer across the front lawn and left wide paths of burned grass to be remembered by. And the interesting thing about this incident is that the girl's father declined to press charges. Could it be because Jeb Bush was the Republican nominee for Governor in 1994? And you don't screw with the Bush's no how now way. At least that used to be the gospel according to the GOP. Now George P. Bush might do better to use his mother's maiden name, Gallo.

NYT Aviso: Last Day To Read Frank Rich For Free

The New York Times has decided their Op/Ed columnists are of such merit that we will be willing to pay $49.95 a year for the privilege of continuing to read them daily online. And if we aren't willing…well, the hell with us. We would get a few other perks for ponying up the fifty bucks, but those extras are window dressing. We'll pay, the NYT assumes, because we've gotten in the habit of reading the Op/Ed page and now we'll pay a fee for what used to be free. The NYT has turned out their Op/Age columnists. Call it a Pimp-page fee. By me, the Op/Ed ninnies like Maureen Dowd, John Tierney and Thomas Friedman are no loss. However, Frank Rich, Paul Krugman and Nicholas Kristoff, plus a guest writer here and there might possibly be worth an annual fee of twenty bucks for the package. Or maybe even a $10 annual ala Carte fee. But $50? Not even with Bill Maher thrown in…although…that would sweeten the pot considerably. The fact of the matter is that most bloggers will figure out a way to read the NYT columnists online for free. It's a moral obligation.

Cheney Having Aneurysm Repaired

That's what the White House says, anyway. Cheney's got an aneurysm behind his right knee and it's going to be repaired next weekend. Actually, he's got aneurysms affecting both knees, but the right knee is getting repaired. That's their story, at any rate. Which of course we don't believe. Because the White House ladies lie about everything, even when they don't have to, just to keep their hand in. When Cheney was MIA during Katrina, it was rumored he was in the hospital. Which is very plausible. He may be having an aneurysm repaired next weekend, but it's doubtful it's the benign and routine procedure being put forward. And we don't know what else has gone wrong with his failing body. Let's see…he's had four heart attacks. The most recent one (rather, the last one the White House admitted to) was in 2000. In 2001, a wire mesh stent was inserted to keep a clogged artery open. He has a pacemaker and a defibrillator. And these are the attacks, procedures and devices we know about. This is the man Bob Woodward said absolutely would run for president in 2008? Cheney will be lucky to be alive in 2008 let alone run for office. Let's have a look at the order of presidential succession in case Bush is made to resign and Cheney kicks off his mortal coil. If Condi Rice is impeached, Donald Rumsfeld fired, Michael Chertoff forced to resign, John Snow quits, and Alberto Gonzales becomes a Supreme, these names will change. By the way, the Secretary of Homeland Security used to be last in the order of succession, but was moved up to No. 8. Vice President Richard Cheney Speaker of the House John Dennis Hastert President pro tempore of the Senate Ted Stevens Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Secretary of the Treasury John Snow Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff Secretary of the Interior Gale A. Norton Secretary of Agriculture Mike Johanns Secretary of Commerce Carlos Gutierrez Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao Secretary of Health and Human Services Mike Leavitt Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson Secretary of Transportation Norman Yoshio Mineta Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings Secretary of Veterans Affairs Jim Nicholson Back in July, there was a rumor that Hastert might quit the House altogether. However, with the GOP taking a long look at Bush's chances for finishing out his term and Cheney on the seriously disabled list, Hastert may be looking at the odds for his becoming president as a sure thing.

So Where Was The “Responsibility” Confession?

It was in a throw-away line inserted at minute 21 of the President's self-serving 22-minute litany of White House plans to retool its recent fuck-you approach to New Orleans. The speech was nearly over last night when Bush said, in effect, “Oh-by-the-way I am responsible but let's not dwell on that.” It's interesting that between the White House having sent the New York Times a copy of the president's speech (which was printed this morning) and the appearance of CNN's actual transcript, the speech had changed a great deal. The last two minutes turned out to be totally different from the one published by the NYT. Notably, this paragraph was added: “Four years after the frightening experience of September 11th, Americans have every right to expect a more effective response in a time of emergency. When the federal government fails to meet such an obligation, I as president am responsible for the problem, and for the solution.” So, that's that…another mission accomplished. One can imagine Bush turning to his advisors after he finished his speech, rolling down his sleeves and saying, “How's zat?” Well, Mr. Bush, the answer is, the speech didn't scatter the fairy dust you'd hoped for. You may have short-term memory problems yourself, but the American people can remember just fine. We remember that you had to be dragged from your vacation to give even a teeny bit of attention to the Katrina disaster. We remember your nanny/cum Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, was buying shoes, and seeing a play in New York at the height of the Katrina disaster. We remember that VP Cheney was MIA during the entire storm. And yesterday, the day your speech was supposed to make us forget the gaffes and malfeasance of the Bush administration, Elizabeth Bumiller reported in the NYT a new and stunning false move by the White House: “Republicans said Karl Rove, the White House deputy chief of staff and Mr. Bush's chief political adviser, was in charge of the reconstruction effort, which reaches across many agencies of government and includes the direct involvement of Alphonso R. Jackson, secretary of housing and urban development,” Bumiller said. Is there anyone who would be worse to put in charge of the New Orleans reconstructing? Yes there is…Barbara Bush. But they are probably saving her to chair the Texas Republicans For Fairness and Respect to the Black Community Coalition.

The President is a Dope

(With apologies to Richard Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein II, the entire cast and crew of 1947's “Allegro” and the song “The Gentleman is a Dope”.) The President is a dope, a man of no appeal. A clumsy Joe who wouldn't know a Samba from a Reel. The President is a dope and not my cup of tea. How did he get in the White House? By fraud and perfidy. The President isn't bright, he doesn't know the score. A siege will come, he'll say “Ho-hum” and lie down for a snore. The President's eyes are blue, but little do they see. How did he get in the White House? By lies and perjury. He's got an awful problem. It stinks to heaven high. He'll try to snow the people, but they know it's all a lie. The President is a dope, he isn't very smart. He's got a mug you'd love to slug And smash with all your heart. The President is a dope, doesn't know how bad it's gonna be. Look at me laughing my ass off. He never looked good to me. As if he'd look good to me.

Prez Takes Responsibility…Ha-ha! That's Rich!!!

Read the fine print. “To the extent that the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility,” the Number One White House weasel said. Since Katrina made landfall on August 29th near Buras, LA as a Category 4 hurricane, the White House has been assuring the world the US federal government did its job right. And not only that, the White House immediately got into defense mode and sent flacks and flunkies out to declare on every available venue on TV that it was the locals and the Gulf Coast states who had failed. Ergo, the president now is taking responsibility for the determination that there were no failures by the federal government regarding Katrina. The entire lead paragraph in NYT's “responsibility” story this morning reads: “President Bush said on Tuesday that he bore responsibility for any failures of the federal government in its response to Hurricane Katrina and suggested that he was unsure whether the country was adequately prepared for another catastrophic storm or terrorist attack.” Any failures? Let me clarify that creative example of admits-nothing rhetoric. It means the White House has heard rumors there were fed failures, but hasn't proven to itself that there actually were any fed failures. The Prez is unsure we're adequately prepared? Unsure? Let's see now. How long have the rest of us been TOTALLY SURE the US is NOT adequately prepared? I believe it goes back to the idiotic “duct tape” aviso, which was on February 10, 2003. The federal government's Fire Administrator David Paulison and Homeland Security boss Tom Ridge made an announcement that to be prepared for a terrorist attack all US citizens should have duct tape and plastic sheeting to put around doors and windows to fend off a chemical or germ attack. And many US citizens dutifully bought out all the duct tape and plastic sheeting available in all home improvement and hardware stores. Eventually, smarter heads than Paulison and Ridge informed us that the duct tape and plastic sheeting would be of no help whatsoever. That incident told the entire world that Homeland Security didn't have the remotest idea how to make the US homeland secure. At the same time, the incredibly stupid duct tape gaffe let the world know (except for the dimwitted Prez of the US and his craven cronies) that the US was a sitting duck for terrorists. But now, two-and-a-half years later, the biggest head-up-his-ass President the US has ever had (and admittedly, we've had a few) says he's “unsure” the US is prepared for another terrorist attack. But wait…there's more. President Hasn't-a-Clue-and-Loves-it-That-Way George W. Bush has named David Paulison as the new head of FEMA.

Mr. Ratfucker And Il Presidente Insano

Mr. Ratfucker has noticed that Michael Brown said he wasn't asked to resign. While Mr. Ratfucker feels this may be technically true, he also feels it would be more accurate if Mr. Brown had said he'd been told to resign or be served his testicoli piccoli ala Sicilianese for dinner. Il bizzarro Presidente del unito Dichiara sees the Crawford compound as a Texas branch of I Ragazzi Italiani and sometimes speaks in pidgin Italian, Mr. Ratfucker said. Il pazzo presidente also asks to be called Don Doppia V upon occasion. Recently, Mr. Ratfucker reported, Don Doppia V said that race played no part in his telling the poor black residents of New Orleans that they should use their rusted-out pick-up trucks to get out of the city or learn to swim. “Fuhgeddaboudit, “ Don Doppia V said. “I…um…how do you say 'I adore you'… um… ti amo negros.” Il mentalmente difettoso presidente then turned to his Consigliere Numero Uno and said, “Tell them how much I care.” “La scimmietta cares…um…molto,” Numero Uno said. Mr. Ratfucker reported that Numero Uno also said, “Don Doppia V cares molto about the disgraziato and povero negros in New Orleans.” Il mucchio di merda then said to his Number One, “Tell them the blame thing…plenty…you know…all around." Numero Uno said, “Sì. Ci è abbondanza di colpa da girare intorno a.” Yesterday, Mr. Ratfucker followed Don Doppia V on his tour of the Algiers neighborhood in New Orleans. “Where…dove sono…um… the shops?” DDV asked. “Whew! What a stinkerini! Really puzza. These folks got no rispetto!”

To the “Plenty of Blame to Go Around” Folks

Dear Apologists for George W. Bush: The incontrovertible facts are these: Katrina was declared a category 5 Hurricane on Sunday, August 28. Everyone in the United States knew the magnitude of the hurricane’s destruction on New Orleans. However, the President of the United States did not know until he was forced to know on Friday September 2nd that Katrina had destroyed New Orleans. The September 19th issue of Newsweek reports that, “Bush knew the storm and its consequences had been bad; but he didn't quite realize how bad”. The article (“How Bush Blew It”) goes on to say that on Thursday night (September 1), “some White House staffers were watching the evening news and thought the president needed to see the horrific reports coming out of New Orleans. (GWB’s) Counselor (Dan) Bartlett made up a DVD of the newscasts so Bush could see them in their entirety as he flew down to the Gulf Coast the next morning on Air Force One.” There aren’t enough rosepetals in the world to cover up the fact that George W. Bush is isolated and out of touch by his own personal decision to be out of touch and isolated. It’s unimaginable that the President of the United States would need a flunky to make up a DVD of newscasts about Katrina so that he would understand the magnitude of the worst natural disaster (enabled by federal inaction and cutback policies) to ever hit the United States. But that is what happened and those are the facts. We can ponder Why? We can wonder, Is GWB insane or just disinterested? We can ask, What on earth is wrong with the man? But the facts are the facts: President George W. Bush did not know because he chose not to know and had to be forced to know that a major section of the United States had been destroyed. As the Newsweek article says, “How this could be—how the president of the United States could have even less ‘situational awareness,’ as they say in the military, than the average American about the worst natural disaster in a century—is one of the more perplexing and troubling chapters in a story that, despite moments of heroism and acts of great generosity, ranks as a national disgrace.” However, perhaps an even more horrifying fact is that, according to Newsweek, “After five years in office, he (President Bush) is surrounded largely by people who agree with him.” So there you have it. We have a President, the President’s Cabinet and the President’s advisors who view themselves as royalty above the fray. And they view the citizens of the United States as subjects whose reason for being is to honor and defend the royals. The myriad governmental failures during the Katrina catastrophe is not about bureaucrcy, or the difficulty of coordinating unwieldy government agencies during times of disaster. It's about the fact that the men and women in the top positions in our government believe that royalty such as they are, have the right to vacation, shop and ignore the plight of the real world. It's about the fact that the Bush administration just doesn't give a fuck.

Frank Rich Is Not Writing Today

Me either.

FEMA Chief Reassignment

Translation of AP news story from Wonk-speak into English: Asked if he was being made a scapegoat for a federal relief effort that has drawn widespread and sharp criticism, Michael Brown told The Associated Press after a long pause: "By the press, yes. By the president, No." Translation: Yes...the fucking President hung me out to dry way before the fucking press hung me out to dry. May George Bush's hair fall out from dengue fever. "Michael Brown has done everything he possibly could to coordinate the federal response to this unprecedented challenge," Chertoff told reporters in Baton Rouge, La. Translation: Michael Brown is a useless twat. He couldn't locate his balls with a magnifying glass and a compass. Less than an hour before Brown's removal came to light, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Brown had not resigned and the president had not asked for his resignation. Translation: Karl Rove told Chertoff if he didn't can the FEMA asshole, Rove would can the Homeland Security asshole. Chertoff suggested the shift came as the Gulf Coast efforts were entering "a new phase of the recovery operation." He said Brown would return to Washington to oversee the government's response to other potential disasters. "I appreciate his work, as does everybody here," Chertoff said. Translation: Brown will oversee nothing except his own funeral for the foreseeable future. He's never worked a day in his life and would have starved to death if he hadn't been a White House snitch. "I'm anxious to get back to D.C. to correct all the inaccuracies and lies that are being said," Brown said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. Translation: I'm working on my new improved resume and it will be ready for publication shortly. But first, I'm shopping the book I've written about Michael Chertoff. Brown's official biography on the FEMA Web site says that his background in state and local government also includes serving as "an assistant city manager with emergency services oversight" and as a city councilman in Edmond, Oklahoma. Translation: Michael Brown was an assistant to the assistant to the city dogcatcher in Edmond, Oklahoma. He was fired when he tried to put a dog muzzle on a Shetland pony.