Thursday, July 25, 2013

A Workable Plan for the Elderly

To refine Robert Benchley's notion that there are two kinds of people in the world—the kind that divides the world into two kinds; and the kind that doesn’t—there is a third kind: the kind that has no sense of humor.

In devising a plan for the Elderly, we must divide the elderly into four kinds: 1) the kind that complains and talks about their ailments 24-7, 2) the kind that doesn't and has a great sense of humor 3) the kind that complains and talks about their ailments 24-7 and has no sense of humor; 4) the kind that doesn't complain but has no sense of humor.

I propose that everyone over the age of 70 have free-of-cost-access to an unlimited supply of happy pills and booze.  

I propose that Kind No. 1, 3 and 4 be required by law to use pills and/or booze until they stop complaining.

I propose that if Kind No. 3 and No. 4 do not stop complaining and develop a sense of humor they be used for target practice by the NRA.

I see no downside to this plan. It seems clear to me that two very large segments of our population would be made instantly happy one way or the other: The Elderly and the NRA. And the rest of the USA population will be the recipients of secondhand happiness and peace.

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