Thursday, February 22, 2007

What Keeps Cheney Alive?

Why hasn’t Vice President Dick Cheney dropped dead from angst? Why hasn’t the vitriol that courses through his veins not killed him? Wherever Cheney goes, a complete hospital goes with him. How come he’s still alive? My mom would have said he’s too mean to die. Cheney’s first heart attack was in 1978 at age 37. Heart attack two was in 1984, heart attack three was in 1988, and heart attack four was in 2000. He’s had coronary bypass surgery. A coronary stent was implanted. He’s been treated for abnormal heart function, unstable angina and coronary heart failure. He’s had coronary angioplasty. Cheney’s other problems include esophagitis, which most often is caused by gastroesophageal reflux disease (heartburn). He’s allergic to pomegranates. Cheney was shot in a hunting accident and he shot a friend in a hunting accident. He’s had gout, skin cancer and one of his medications (or perhaps it’s apnea) makes him sleepy at inappropriate times. He’s obese. He’s had a history of smoking to excess. Not even God himself could find out what medications Cheney has to take. And yet, here he is jetting to Japan and Australia in his flying hospital ostensibly to meet with the few people in the civilized world who agree with the Bush administration’s war in Iraq. But instead of sounding clear-headed and forcefully making George Bush look like a leader, Cheney has made an ass of himself by carrying on an internecine snitfit across the continents with John McCain. And, instead of meeting with Japan’s defense minister (who is having second thoughts about the war in Iraq), Cheney decided to play kissy-face with a Korean couple whose daughter was kidnapped by North Korea decades ago. The president of the United States is certifiably insane and the Vice President is exhibiting all the signs of a man who has lost his mind because he is so ill with heart trouble that oxygen is not reaching his brain. It’s no wonder the Republicans are doing everything they can to discredit Nancy Pelosi. We’ve still got 697 days left of the Bush/Cheney term of office. That’s just shy of two years. With the President and Vice President in precarious mental and physical health, anything could happen to both of them in 697 days. And Nancy Pelosi would be president. It's enough to give a neocon Republican Vice President seizures. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking there's a Central Casting site with world leader look-alikes. So that when a big mahoff kicks off, he can be seamlessly replaced with no dire effects to the world. I'm thinking the Castro and Cheney look-alikes have already been called into service.

1 comment:

Barry Schwartz said...

That scheme already failed once with Richard Nixon and Bob Dole.