Wednesday, February 15, 2006

White House Sleight-of-Hand

The amazing disappearing news. Yesterday MSNBC reported that Katharine Armstrong said there had been a few beers at the quail-hunting party on her ranch where dick Cheney shot Harry Whittington in the face neck and chest. In a trice, MSNBC excised that bit of info. And any allusion to alcohol and the hunting party evaporated as though it had never been. Last night, I read an updated news story in the NYT explaining in detail that doctors who reported that a BB had moved through Whittington’s body into his heart were in error. It never could have happened that way since birdshot is about the same size, if not larger than, the veins/arteries it would have moved through. Ergo, the pellet was shot into Whittington’s heart. This morning there is no mention that the early diagnoses were wrong. There is no detailed account that birdshot could not have traveled through Whittington’s body. We only read that a pellet lodged in Whittington’s heart. But at least they finally got that right. Last night, the NYT said Cheney shot from 6 to 200 pellets at Whittington. This morning the NYT says “more than 5 but less than 150-200 pellets”. This morning the LATimes is still saying a pellet migrated though Whittington’s body and lodged in his heart. CBS radio reports give a thumbnail headline saying that a pellet lodged near Whittington’s heart and then traveled into his heart, but the actual news report says a BB lodged in Whittington’s heart when Cheney shot Whittington. All news stories make sure we know that Whittington had “a minor heart attack”. Some say it wasn’t an actual for-real heart attack at all. What Whittington had was something like a heart attack. WaPo calls it “a cardiac event”. Mr. Ratfucker would like to clear up this muzzy/fuzzy bad reporting for you. Mr. Ratfucker feels that the American public understands there was booze and plenty of it at the quail-hunting party on Katharine Armstrong’s ranch last weekend. Mr. Ratfucker is sure that thinking Americans realize that megabucks/Republicans/Texas and ranch translate into drinking-up-a-storm-oh-you-betcha and that suggesting otherwise is an insult to the average American’s intelligence. Mr. Ratfucker has never understood, and he suspects many Americans have never understood why Vice President Dick Cheney shot his birdshot into the weeds. Birds gotta fly, Mr. Ratfucker has reasoned out. Therefore, if Dick Cheney shot his load prematurely into brush where he couldn’t see Mr. Whittington, he did so because he was blind drunk. Mr. Ratfucker seriously doubts any of the reports coming out of Texas or Washington. Mr. Ratfucker seriously doubts Deadeye Dick shot Whittington from 30 feet away. Mr. Ratfucker’s plain good sense tells him Deadeye was about six feet or less from Mr. Whittington when he heard a noise and in his drunken stupor he fired his gun. Furthermore, Mr. Ratfucker says he can’t believe, nor indeed should anyone believe one word that proceeds from Katharine Armstrong’s mouth. She’s a Texas politician, and a Bush crony. Which, by definition, means she couldn’t tell the truth to save Kay Bailey Hutchison’s soul. However, there is one thing Mr. Ratfucker does believe concerning this latest tawdry and unseemly Republican scandal. It’s reported that Vice President Dick Cheney is praying for Mr. Whittington. Mr. Ratfucker has no doubt Dick Cheney has been fervently praying for Whittington’s quick recovery and continued good health. If Whittington dies because of the VP’s drunken escapade, there’s a nasty charge of manslaughter hanging over Cheney’s head. Mr. Ratfucker would like to remind Americans that all White House doctors are liars and that for all we know, Cheney’s weakened heart didn’t survive this debacle and a look-alike is playing Cheney’s part until the Prez decides he and God can rule the world alone. We just don’t know diddly, do we? Mr. Ratfucker said.

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