Thursday, April 05, 2007

Iraq Is Doomed if US Leaves, However....

It’s impossible to argue that there will not be chaos, bloodshed, warfare, and more terrorism in Iraq and the Middle East if the US cuts off funding for the war and if we pull our troops out of Iraq. What can be said, then, in favor of the US cutting off funding and pulling out our troops? Nothing except it’s the thing to do to save American lives. And I do have a plan. Let’s hand over to the Iraqis George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. I would be willing to throw in four-star general and former secretary of state Colin Powell for being a silly dupe and flunky, but I could be talked out of that. First, Congress will issue a declaration. It will be something like a Papal Encyclical. It will address the main issues and will end all debate regarding the war in Iraq. It will say that Congress and the American people made a mistake. The declaration will state that Congress and the American people believed a few assholes (I am convinced this word must be used in the declaration) that lied to us. It will say we admit we never should have attacked Iraq. We are sorry. We will give X number of dollars (it will be billions) outright to the Iraqi people to show how sorry we are. The Iraqis will have to trust their age-old modus operandi to insure that the money gets to the people. We acknowledge that the Iraqi MO is not our MO, but it has served the Iraqis for thousands of years and we are aware it is the way Iraqis do things. Now we must leave Iraq, alas. We will no longer fund the war. All of our troops are coming out on X date. However, in order to appease the Iraqi people and to show our good faith, we will hand over President George W. Bush, Vice President Richard Cheney and Counselor Smarty-pants Karl Rove (and Colin Powell if that’s what the American people want) to the Iraqi people on X date. The Iraqi people may do what they want with these men. These are the chief assholes that wreaked havoc on Iraq. The fate of these men is up to the Iraqi people. They can draw and quarter them or make them head of their government. We don’t care. We don’t need them. They are dead to us. Good luck and goodbye. That’s my plan.


Richard said...

Get ready to feel good, Joy. It's a long read, 26pgs. but if details bore you, skip to last five; Henry C.K. Liu, The Situation in Iran - March 16, '07. The kicker:"The Iraq fiasco shows that the age of superpower hegemony and invincibility is over."

Barry Schwartz said...

I fear for Randi Rhodes's psychic stability, if we include Colin Powell in the handover.

More importantly, I strongly disagree on the term 'assholes'. I think they should instead be called 'miscreants'.