Bernie Kerik is a Piece of Work

If the Bushmaton were smart, which he isn’t, he would have replaced Rumsfeld with Kerik. But there’s still time. The White House (as you know, that means Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and The Carlyle Group) has just announced that Rumsfeld stays. Translation: Rumsfeld is out. He is outer than Powell, outer than Ridge. Rumsfeld is so out he thinks he’s in. It’s like being kissed on both cheeks. Poor Rummy. He doesn’t even know what just hit him. But back to Bernie the new Homeland Security boss. Bernie the Loyal. Bernie the Ambitious. Bernie the there’s-no-ass-I-won’t-kiss Kerik. Here’s the short version of the Kerik bio. Bernard Bailey Kerik was born Sept. 4, 1955, in Newark, N.J. He dropped out of high school but got a mail-order Bachelor’s Degree from Empire State College in 2002. In addition to being the most ambitious law enforcement man ever to come on the scene, his credentials include, Warden of Passaic County, NJ jail in 1986; NYPD police officer, 1986-94; Commish (and other things) for the NYC Department of Correction, 1995-2000; Commish, NYPD, 2000-01; partner Giuliani Partners consulting firm, 2001-03; Iraq’s interim Minister of the Interior, 2003; CEO, Giuliani-Kerik LLC, 2003 to present. When Kerik was appointed Commissioner of the Correction Department, an official in the department was widely quoted saying, “Congratulations. You’ve just hired Rambo.” Kerik has been married twice. He has a son by Jackie-the-first, two daughters by Halah-the-second. He met Halah in Syria during his stint in the 80’s as security chief (bodyguard) for the royal family’s hospitals in Saudi Arabia. He has a daughter in Korea whom he fathered when he was stationed in Korea. Six months after Kerik became then-NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s NYPD Commish, which was shortly after Giuliani made a book deal, Kerik made a book deal. “The Lost Son: A Life in Pursuit of Justice” was published in 2001. The book was written by writer-for-hire Jess Walter. On October 14, 2003, Miramax Film’s Harvey Weinstein announced Miramax had obtained the film rights to the Kerik book. The BushMen owe Kerik a lot and they have just paid him off. Kerik and Giiuliani were attached at the hip during the Bush campaign. They unflaggingly stumped for Bush using the constant chant of “9/11-9/11-9/11”. Kerik never tires of reliving his experiences on September 11th when he arrived at the World Trade Center only minutes after the planes hit. Giuliani said at the RNC convention in Madison Square Garden, "Without really thinking, based on just emotion, spontaneously, I grabbed the arm of then-Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik and I said to him, 'Bernie, Thank God George Bush is our president.' And I say it again tonight: Thank God George Bush is our president." From God’s mouth to Giuliani’s ear to Bernie Kerik’s arm. Got the picture? Kerik only recently finished a White House assignment in Iraq to rebuild the Baghdad police force. He was called the “Baghdad Terminator” The Kerik book mainly deals with his devastating experience of learning that his mother, a working prostitute, had abandoned him when he was two years old and that she had died in Ohio in 1964, a murder victim of her pimp. Kerik decided to investigate the incident. That investigation, as well as some of Kerik’s financial arrangements and lucrative deals since leaving law enforcement are coming under scrutiny now that he’s been named Homeland Security Chief. This morning’s New York Times says the appointment will have little trouble being confirmed. Not so fast. During the period that Kerik was investigating his mother’s death in Ohio, he sent two NYPD officers to Ohio to do the legwork. They supposedly were on their own time. They weren’t. Kerik was fined a small amount, $2,500, for sending the officers to Ohio five times on NYPD time. It would be interesting to know if the writer of Kerik’s book ever went to Ohio...Kerik doesn’t tell us. But we do know that Kerik made only one trip to Ohio and that was in August 2001. In what has become the Kerik method of doing things, Bernard Kerik was accused of sending homicide investigators to fingerprint Fox News employees because his publisher, Judith Regan, suspected them of stealing her cellphone and necklace. When Giuliani’s tenure as NYC mayor was over, Kerik joined Giuliani’s consulting firm. A December 3 article in the New York Times says that one of Kerik’s jobs for Giuliani Partners was to give presentations on disaster readiness around the country. However, The Times says, “his appearances were often sponsored by companies that were selling just the kinds of products that the former police commissioner was indirectly promoting, like Nextel, the cellular phone company that many police and fire departments use.” The Times also noted that Kerik has served on the board of directors of Taser, a company that makes stun guns used by police departments. Kerik just exercised options he received as a director and sold $5.8 million of its stock. Its unclear whether his selling his stock had anything to do with the fact that claims are surfacing that 50 people have died from Taser shocks. (Taser denies the claims.) So what does any of this, or all of this add up to? Bernie Kerik is a loyal staunch Republican who campaigned for the Bush election in the only way he knows how...vigorously and with no holds barred. If his appointment is confirmed, he will oversee the security of USA borders, ports, airports and he will be in charge of the Secret Service, the Coast Guard, customs and immigration. Can he handle this job? If he’s allowed to use the power that comes with the title, he probably can handle the job. Will the White House let him off the leash? Probably not. Will Rambo Kerik cotton to The Carlyle Group telling their glorified bodyguard what to do, how to do it, and how to put his pants on in the morning? He really would be happier in Rumsfeld’s job. Poor Rummy.