Oh How Funny! Bush Thinks He’s President

Deluded and grandiose as he is, George Bush seems to believe he actually is President of the United States. Yesterday he said, “I told Josh (Bolton, Andy Card’s replacement) that he is — will organize the White House in such a way that he is comfortable with and that meets my needs. And my needs are to have good, crisp information so I can make decisions on behalf of the American people." Back in October 2005, by the way, this acting president said, "I just can't tell you how important it is for us to guard executive privilege in order for there to be crisp decision-making in the White House.” Bush gets wedded to words. Like other mentally challenged adults trying to fake it in a complex world, George W. Bush believes that if he uses a word, he owns the attribute. In any case, it will be a relief when the Bush minders start making crisp decisions. We’ve been waiting for six years and haven’t seen any yet. One of the mysteries surrounding the Bush cabinet is why Treasury Secretary John Snow hasn’t resigned. He isn’t happy. He’s made it clear he isn’t happy. And yet there he is, apparently waiting to be kicked out. Last month, the names on every short list re Treasury Secretary were Henry M. Paulson Jr., chief executive of Goldman Sachs; John J. Mack, chief executive of Morgan Stanley; and Richard D. Parsons, chairman of Time Warner. Apparently, Mack and Parsons quickly said No thank you, because only Paulson’s name is still being bandied about. Stanley O’Neal, chairman and chief executive officer of Merrill Lynch is now being touted as a possible Snow replacement. O’Neal has the added appeal of being black, having come up the son of a cotton picker and having been a factory foreman at General Motors. However, I feel sure the reason Snow is still Secretary of the Treasury is that no one wants the job no way no how. You have to realize that Merrill Lynch boosted O’Neal’s salary to $37 mil in 2005. That would be hard to give up. I still can’t get over Bush saying he needs to have crisp information to make decisions for the American people. He had some pretty crisp information the day the planes slammed into the World Trade Center. He did absolutely nothing for five minutes. He got some very crisp info that more troops were needed in Iraq. He decided more troops were not needed in Iraq. His crisp info said to fire Rumsfeld. He did nothing. He had really crisp information the day Katrina hit. He did nothing. Apparently he can’t handle crisp information. Oh okay. I got it. He’s dyslexic. He saw a memo that said Here’s the prick’s information. Now that makes sense.