Two More Hot Ones from Hogwash Central

Get this! The White House Insane Asylum Says Muqtada Al-Sadr is so scared of the Bush administration’s planned puny surge of badly trained troops that he’s fled to Iran shaking in his boots. Al-Sadr is a hard-ass unflappable Shiite cleric. He and his Mehdi Army militia have been blamed for most of the violence in Baghdad. He’s scared of a few more badly-equipped US troops? I don’t think so. Last night CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked correspondent Michael Ware--the one person in Baghdad who would have the knowledge, the perspective and the judgment to make an assessment about the Al-Sadr story--what his thoughts were on 1) why the US was making the claim, and 2) what were the chances of the claim being true, Ware said: “So right now, it's only speculation that Muqtada has left. Has he left? If he did, did he flee, if so, for what reason? We have no idea right now, Wolf. Indeed, we were speaking to Muqtada's office in Najaf just a few days ago. They were certainly saying he was still in Iraq in Najaf…. Is he running in flight for fear of the Baghdad security plan? I think that's most unlikely… I don't think Muqtada himself, his personal safety or freedom is really threatened politically or militarily by the Baghdad security plan. Indeed, if he does go to Iran, does it weaken his power base? I suspect that if Muqtada has gone to Iran for whatever reason, for whatever period, we'll not see the end of the Mehdi militia or the Sadr political movement…. He coordinates with other leaders, and he coordinates with his various sponsors, including those who are in Iran. So is he here, is he not? Has he fled, has he gone of his own volition for what purpose? Totally up in the air. Let's go back and ask the White House and these unnamed sources, come clean, give us the facts.” BLITZER: “Michael, you were at that briefing over the weekend when military sources -- U.S. military sources in Baghdad suggested that the highest levels of the Iranian government were behind the introduction of these sophisticated munitions that were going into Iraq over the past couple of years, killed about 170 or so American troops. And now we're hearing from the top U.S. military officer, General Peter Pace, saying he's not convinced that the highest levels of the Iranian government are behind it. He's not sure who is behind it. Are you surprised by this latest twist in this story?” WARE: “Well honestly I'm not surprised by anything that comes out of the U.S. military these days, Wolf. I mean you know even when they have a song sheet, often it's -- they're not all on it. I mean let's look at the most recent helicopter crash. They're out there telling us it was a mechanical failure. The next minute, it was shot down. I mean there are so many contradictions in the U.S. message. I mean that's one of its great failings, so no, I'm not surprised. There's a lot of disconnects here.” And the other ROTF, Laugh-a-Minute Aviso regarding WHIA personnel is that Scooter Libby’s defense attorney, Theodore V. Wells, Jr. told the judge presiding over Libby’s perjury trial that the defense would not call either Libby or the guy who told Libby what to do, VP Dick Cheney, to the witness stand. The Hogwash Central reason for this defense decision is that Libby’s lawyers are so confident of their case; they don’t need Libby and Cheney. The Real World reason is that the defense took a long look at the damage Libby and Cheney would do to each other, to the Bush administration and to the perjury trial and decided to keep both men from telling more lies and looking like idiots under oath. Let’s see, what other funny stuff is there? Oh yeah, the army is recruiting criminals because it can’t get people who have not committed crimes to join up. Oh right. That’s nothing new. If you aren’t a criminal when you join the army, you probably will commit war crimes and crimes against humanity during your tour of duty, so that you’ll be a criminal when (if) you come out of the army. Oh! Oh! I forgot this one. The Bank of America is giving credit cards to illegal aliens. BofA is saying to horrified citizens and legal immigrants who have to go through proper channels, credit checks and waiting periods: Don’t take it personally, it’s just business.