The White House Contortion Contest

Or, how many positions can the Bush Administration assume at the same time? Condi says Syria and Iran have used the Danish cartoon flap to incite unrest and “the world ought to call them on it”. Bush says, "We reject violence as a way to express discontent with what may be printed in a free press.” Rumsfeld says criticism from the press has made “our people reticent and uncomfortable” and if we lose the war on terrorism it will be the media’s fault. What does Condi mean, “the world ought to call them on it”? The world should bomb Syria and Iran to smithereens? What does Bush mean, “we reject violence” regarding what’s printed in a free press? For the last five years Bush has rejected a free press. What does Rumsfeld mean that it’s the fault of the press if we lose the war on terrorism? Rumsfeld started the war on terrorism when he mounted and mismanaged an unwinnable war on Iraq. It’s hard to choose the winner of the White House Contortion Contest. So I’ll wimp out and declare a person outside of the United States as Grand Master of the World Contort-and-Distort Competition. There he is, inside out, upside down and flying up his own asshole. And the winner is, French President Jacques Chirac who said: "Anything liable to offend the beliefs of others, particularly religious beliefs, must be avoided.” Thank you, Grand Master Chirac. You have topped Little Hitler Bush, Condi the Boots-and-Whips Queen, and Donald Stuff-Happens Rumsfeld. Although, some attention should be paid to runner-ups who twisted and over-reached and fell off their high-chairs, like George Deutsch. Deutsch is a 24-year-old Bush-appointee flunky at NASA who told a NASA Web designer to add the word “theory” to every mention of the Big Bang. But someone found out the twerp had lied on his resume when he claimed he had a degree in journalism from Texas (of course) A&M. Deutsch has resigned. And there's the old-fool category, like bloated and beleaguered Karl Rove who is trying to get back in the jerk-and-arm-wrestle evemt by threatening Republicans with cutting off White House political and financial support if they oppose the Prez on his illegal wiretapping. Yo, Karl, it’s not a good sign when you lose a Bend-Twist-and-Distort contest to Jacques Chirac.